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1.
En pige vader ind i et supermarked, og køber følgende:
1 stykke sæbe
1 tandbørste
1 tube tandpasta
1 lille franskbrød
1 liter mælk
1 æble
1 banan
1 appelsin
1 blomme
1 fersken
1 grapefrugt
1 tomat
1 liter juice
1 glas syltetøj
1 bage kartoffel
1 kringle
1 pakke smør
1 rundstykke
1 müsli bar
1 tærte
1 lille pose kaffe
1 frossen færdigret
1 frossen pizza
Manden ved kassen kigger på hende, og siger smilende:
"single, hva´ ?"
Pigen smiler kælent tilbage og svarer:
"hvordan kunne du gætte det?"
Han svarer:
"fordi du er pisse grim!"
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2.
To bøsser elsker i parken om natten. Det er mørkt som i graven, og de
siger
til hinanden:
- "Jeg elsker dig."
- "Jeg elsker også dig."
- "Du er fantastisk."
- "Det er du også."
- "Lad os altid mødes her igen."
- "Ja, hver dag - jeg bor i København."
- "Jeg også. I Voldgade..."
- "Utroligt, det gør jeg også ?!? I nummer 150"
- "Det er ikke muligt - det gør jeg også...!?!
- "Palle..?"
- "Far..?"
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4.
En mand ankommer til sin yndlingsrestaurant, og bliver hurtigt henvist til
sit stambord.
Da han får menu-kortet bemærker han en død-sexet og meget smuk kvinde bare
2 borde henne, og hun sidder også alene.
Han beslutter sig for at kalde tjeneren hen.
"Gider du sende sådan en flaske..."siger han, pegende i menu-kortet på
husets dyreste flaske hvidvin i menu-kortet "...over til hende ved det
bord, og sige at den er fra mig?" spørger han tjeneren, idet han stopper
en
to-hundrede-lap diskret i tjenerens brystlomme.
Det gør tjeneren selvfølgelig, og kort efter ser manden tjeneren styre hen
mod kvinden med den dyre flaske vin på bakken. Kvinden kigger hen på vores
mand, men istedet for at lade tjeneren åbne vinen, lader hun den stå på
sit
bord, og rækker tjeneren en seddel.
Tjeneren går direkte hen til vores mand, og rækker ham sedlen.
Hvis jeg skal acceptere den flaske vin fra dig, så skal du have en
Mercedes
i garagen, 10 millioner på bankkontoen, og 18 centimeter i dine bukser.
Kort efter vender tjeneren tilbage til kvindens bord med en seddel. Hun
folder den ud...
Kære frøken,
I min garage befinder der sig to Ferrari F40'er,en Ferrari F50, en
Mercedes
S600 og en JaguJaguar XJ12.
På min bankkonto befinder der sig over 90 millioner kroner.
Men jeg er fand'me ligeglad med hvor lækker du er - jeg skærer sgu ikke 10
centimeter af sjoveren for din skyld. Bare send vinen retur !!!!!
jun 2007
Følger: 9 Følgere: 7 MC-er: 1 Emner: 157 Svar: 2.550
jun 2004
Følger: 81 Følgere: 77 MC-er: 1 Emner: 117 Svar: 991
he he :o) Meeeer meeeeeeeeer!!!!
dec 2005
Følger: 58 Følgere: 58 MC-er: 2 Emner: 18 Svar: 1.493
apr 2005
Følger: 19 Følgere: 25 MC-er: 13 Emner: 51 Svar: 589
dec 2005
Følger: 190 Følgere: 182 MC-er: 3 Emner: 203 Svar: 4.589
aug 2006
Følger: 5 Følgere: 4 MC-er: 1 Emner: 57 Svar: 231
Men du glemte at skrive nr. 3
jul 2006
Følger: 3 Følgere: 2 MC-er: 1 Emner: 29 Svar: 335
apr 2005
Følger: 35 Følgere: 34 MC-er: 2 Emner: 76 Svar: 2.079
aug 2005
Følger: 55 Følgere: 54 MC-er: 2 Emner: 163 Svar: 5.018
"You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me -- faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce!
And the husband replied "Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened."
"Fine, go ahead," she sobbed, "but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!"
And the husband began -- "Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.
Since she needed a good clean up I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't use because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't use because I don't have good taste. I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't use just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't use because someone at work has a pair the same."
The husband took a quick breath and continued - "She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, Please ... do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?"
dec 2005
Følger: 190 Følgere: 182 MC-er: 3 Emner: 203 Svar: 4.589
aug 2005
Følger: 55 Følgere: 54 MC-er: 2 Emner: 163 Svar: 5.018
HER DIARY
Tonight I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.
Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong; he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I love you too."
When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched T.V. He seemed distant and absent. Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed, and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried.
I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
HIS DIARY
Today the Giants lost, but at least I got laid.
dec 2005
Følger: 190 Følgere: 182 MC-er: 3 Emner: 203 Svar: 4.589
aug 2005
Følger: 55 Følgere: 54 MC-er: 2 Emner: 163 Svar: 5.018
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him.
He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room.
"Why are you down here at this time of night?"
The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 18?" he asks solemnly. "Yes, I do" she replies. The husband pauses; the words were not coming easily.
"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car"
"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continued.. "Do you remember ! when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?"
"I remember that too" she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "I would have been released today".
Wife : #@%*&@%#!!!
maj 2005
Følger: 38 Følgere: 103 MC-er: 1 Emner: 39 Svar: 2.403
LOL Ej den var da ulækker. LOL :OP
maj 2005
Følger: 38 Følgere: 103 MC-er: 1 Emner: 39 Svar: 2.403
jun 2007
Følger: 23 Følgere: 19 MC-er: 1 Emner: 142 Svar: 2.822
Alligevel kom hun ind i stuen i dag og brokkede sig.
Resultat - jeg måtte droppe 10 minutter af fodboldkampen, for at gøre kæden kortere.
maj 2006
Følger: 53 Følgere: 54 MC-er: 7 Emner: 219 Svar: 1.444
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